“Ignorance is bliss, isn…

“Ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?”

Stop

I want to stop blogging because no one reads it anyway. Most everyone says that blogs are “just for you”, but I prefer that my words are shared to the world. I want people to know my thoughts, and know me more than some immature girl. No one understands, and I try to make them.

Self-Publishing

1.                        9 SIGNS SELF-PUBLISHING IS OUT OF CONTROL

   THE ESTIMATED 700,000 SELF-PUBLISHING AUTHORS AROUND THE WORLD

   In a world of 6.8 billion people, 700,000 trying to make it big by self-publishing may not seem very significant. But compare it to the number of books traditionally published in America each year: 80,000. Of those, one author says, “most of them [are] not needed, not wanted, not in any way remotely necessary.” Assuming the U.S. makes up just one-tenth of the market (almost certainly a low estimate), AND assuming each author has the decency to self-publish only one title, that means self-publishers stand to nearly double the number of books published in the world every year.

2. THE 20,000 TITLES LULU ADDS EACH MONTH

   Lulu is a self-publishing company that has been in business since 2002 and is generally regarded as the leader in the field. One need look no further for proof that self-publishing is getting out of hand than the Lulu web site that reveals the company publishes 20,000 titles for unpublished authors every single month. The site shows no signs of slowing, as 12,000 new “creators” sign up every week, and the number of titles is growing about 10% each month. But as the founder of the company says, the average run is “less than two.”

3. THE MANY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING WHETHER SELF-PUBLISHING IS A BUBBLE ON THE VERGE OF POPPING

   Basically, an economic bubble is created when a good is bought and sold at a much higher price than it is really worth. For example, the dot-com bubble burst when traders realized Internet companies had no way to justify the hundreds of millions of dollars at which their worth was being valued.Pundits are now looking hard at the massive popularity of self-publishing and asking: How long until self-publishers realize tens of thousands of them have grossly overvalued their products and the market crashes?

4. THE HUGE INFLUX OF COMPANIES TO THE INDUSTRY

   The dilemma of finding a publisher is no more; say hello to the dilemma of choosing which publisher is right for you. FromAuthor Solutions to Author House, from Booktango toBookSurge, there is a plenitude of publishers from which to choose to help you produce your book. But there’s also an entire sub-industry that has sprung into being from the self-publishing movement: the “how to self-publish” manual industry. Like any “get-rich-quick“-style book, these books will always sell better than the vast majority of the books they encourage people to self-publish.

5. THE GIANT NUMBER OF EBOOKS AVAILABLE FOR FREE

   Millions of titles are available for free download in various formats. The average price of a self-published Kindle ebook for titles in the Top 100 on Amazon was $1.40, and this price is trending downward. Although many of the free titles hosted by companies like Amazon are books in the public domain, a huge mass of them are self-published titles that first-time authors are giving away for free in the hopes of receiving exposure. This means that deserving works are buried in the pile, and there is just too much for customers to sort through.

1. THE RESPECTED VOICES ADVISING EVERYONE TO SELF-PUBLISH

   As if self-publishers needed any more encouragement, many visible commentators are using their platforms to breathlessly urge everyone who considers themselves a writer (which is basically everyone) to self-publish. On Dec. 13, 2011, USA Todayfeatured a story about self-publishing success story Michael Prescott, who is “threatening to change the face of publishing” with his enormous success. “It’s a gold rush out there,” Prescott proclaims in the article. Over at Techcrunch.com six weeks later, traditionally-published and self-published author, blogger, and investment guru James Altucher was advising every entrepreneur to self-publish a book, basically anointing books the new business cards in the process.

2. THE 4.2 BILLION WORDS PUBLISHED BY SMASHWORDS

   As one of the first comers to the new self-publisher industry, Smashwords alone has published more than 80,000 books since being created in 2008. It took one company less than four years to match the annual total of traditionally-published books in the U.S. To date, authors have smashed a whopping 4,242,989,557 words into their self-published books.

3. THE NUMBER OF COPIES OF SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS THAT ARE SELLING

   On average, authors who self-publish sell 100-150 copies of their book. Considering the average Facebook user has 130 friends, this is right in the wheelhouse for explaining who is buying most self-published books: friends and family of the author. Of course, as this is an average, there are a handful of breakout self-publishing authors who are keeping the number elevated and making up for the thousands of writers who sell 50 or 25 copies, or worse.

4. THE EIGHT OUT OF 10 PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE A BOOK IN THEM

   If there’s any doubt self-publishing is already out of control, millions of books could potentially be in the pipeline for self-publishing in the near future. The New York Times has reported that 81% of Americans think they have the makings of a book in their brains, and that they should publish that book. An estimated 25 million novels and how-to books have already been written by Internet users in the U.S. but have yet to be published. If just 1% of those authors self-publish, the country’s annual book publishing by traditional means would be instantly tripled.

 

 

***I was given the idea (from a few people) that self-publishing is a good way to go. Well let’s consider what I have read on this page. This damaged my hope of being a writer. Am I good enough? Will I make it anywhere past this poor provincial town? (Why, yes. That WAS a Disney reference) Each sign that I get, when I stumble upon sites like these, my ego is shot lower and lower. Maybe my future is stuck working at a diner; if I could even get a job there. And there goes the good mood. I’ll turn to music, which as we recall, is not my life. What is my life? I have friends, a family, an education…but what’s next? Is anything to be expected? The response I will get, of course, are encouraging comments that I do appreciate, but are  not going to make my mood better. At least for tonight. *****

What Now?

Humans love. We love Love, and we hate Love. I have a very common relationship with Love. I love AND hate Love. Most people love Love when Love is in their favour. She isn’t always there. When I’m with my family…I fight and argue…things get intense. But then there are the moments.

Where we break down because no one sees inside. We hide in our rooms, not talking. And when we do we are questioned. Then we go back to not talking. Then we cry inside.

Where we break down in silence because we love our family too much to let anything out.

Where we break down because we have to take care of everything and no one turns around and asks if you are okay, where we have to take care of the people we love, and have trouble finding our own happiness.

Where we break down because we feel unloved, like no one wants us. Where being alone means dying inside. Where every bit of us is crumbling, shrinking, until it is no longer there.

Where we break down because our family doesn’t speak. We are drifting apart. And once we’re gone…we are gone.

Take time for your loved ones. That doesn’t just mean family. Look to your friends, the ones who have been there for you through every step, who have never turned around and threw it back in your face. I appreciate those who do, though I don’t always say it. 

Go to someone right now and tell them how much they mean. How long until they’re gone?

I love my family. 

Chase; Dad; Zach; Mom. You mean the world to me. In the morning I’m going to shake my head and wonder why I posted this…but I hope I don’t delete it. 

Pewdiepie

Most of you will be turned away by the title, but this post is not all about Pewdie. I’ve been a fan of Pewdiepie since January of 2011, and since then I have made many more “bro’s” that will follow Pewdie’s videos and enjoy. Now, past that, I enjoy Pewdie, though others (besides my converted friends), don’t. My brother, my friend’s sister, mostly family members, seem to resent Pewdie. I like a lot of things that others don’t. I’ve always had a taste for opera, and not dubstep. I think little to no make-up is better than make-up made by Crayola. I would rather read a book than see a movie. I prefer being around a few people instead of a lot, and I hate being alone. Music is most certainly NOT my life, and I would much rather play a video game I have beaten three times opposed to one that I just discovered that day. I do things differently. I have always done things differently, and I have been shunned for it. My hair was never perfect and my clothes didn’t always match. But I was me. I still am me. To this day I am discovering more and more about myself that I never knew was there. I had no idea that riding on a motorcycle would be amazingly good fun; I always pegged myself as a stay-in-the-car person. While most girls and boys my age have decided that they are the most perfect beings in the world, I have decided to point out my flaws and try to change them for the better. When I notice someone has stopped talking to me for no reason, I go through the recent events that occurred with that person to see what I did wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have been clingy. Maybe that joke I made was taken seriously. Maybe I did this wrong and that wrong and didn’t say that when I was supposed to. How the Hell should I know what you want? So I learn. I’m still learning. And I’ll be damned if someone wants me to change for them. Sure, a few twists to know that making fun of someone’s breast size is wrong can be made. For most of my life, the things I have done have been mocked. Only recently have I made very special friends that accept me. And those who have ruined memories of my past, will stay in the fucking past. I like being weird. I like my laugh. I like the noises I make when I’m surprised. I like learning who isn’t my friend. I like being a writer. I like the journey I have been on so far, though it has been a tough one. So if you don’t like something I do and decide to pick on me for it, if you decide that I don’t meet your expectation of what a teenage girl should look like, if I don’t have the perfect whatever, you can shove it down your throat and back the fuck off. 

*sigh*

“Let’s show them our hearts, and then show them theirs.”

UPDATE: A Given

So following my previous post, I felt the nagging in the back of my mind that said I was forgetting something.

Bullying has gone way too far these days. Kids are committing suicide and acting out. I barely understand why people are that heartless. 

The worst I saw were two girls on Facebook. It was a normal fight, two girls (Amy & Carla) picking on another (Jane)…and then the unthinkable happened. Amy and Carla began trash talking Jane’s dead mother.

….

HER DEAD MOTHER? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?? What kind of monster crawled into these girls. They have won themselves a one-way ticket to the deepest depths of Hell. And then there was verbal, between another set of Amy’s and Carla’s and Jane’s.

Jane was making fun on Carla’s dead father, who had committed suicide a few months back. She was saying that Carla’s father killed himself because Carla was a bad daughter, and he hated her with a passion.

….

WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?? I’m glad I missed the sharp turn the bullying made. Words like these lead to fights, which leads to pain and depression, expulsion, and bad problems for the rest of the kid’s life. Is this really what you want to do?

I hope not.

Games, Games, Games

(This is all in my opinion)

I like video games. I do. They are fun and a good time waster. But I stick to the games that I know and don’t mind playing over…and over..and over again. Like the Sims; Diablo; Left4Dead; (my personal favourite) Dragon Age. One thing I cannot stand, are fake gamers.

I hate how girls that only play COD consider themselves gamers. Don’t get me wrong, I was there, too. I was all cocky thinking I was a huge gamer, but I’m not. Sure, there are different levels of “gamers”, and I think that everyone is a level of gamer, but these girls (and sometimes guys) are going around boasting how they went 35 and 2 in their last MW3 match, or how they had a killing streak for 3 minutes in Halo.

No. Shut up. 

I classify a gamer as someone who has many games, plays many platforms, and tries new games everytime one comes out. I stick to games that I like. I wonder how I even found some games, seeing as though I don’t ‘wander’ too much. A few weeks ago I asked my friend if he could offer any games that I might like. He loaned me Overlord 1 and Overlord 2. I haven’t touched them. Well, maybe to enter them into my Xbox so another friend could play.

When I was in 8th grade I was under the impression that if you liked a game enough and played it many times, you were a gamer. I liked Borderlands, Diablo, Sims, Saints Row, Dragon Age, Fable, Left4Dead, WoW…those were the games I stuck to. I even have a photo that I made, with me in the middle saying ‘gamer girl’. I ‘gamed’ and I raged, but I wasn’t a full-on gamer. I know people who are, and I think gamers are cool people, if not stereotyped wrong.

And that’s my rant. 🙂

Dream Land

Everyone knows that sleep is very important. If you go too long without sleep, you’ll go crazy and die. Usually people will just pass out after a while…but yeah. BOOM. Dead. Everyone I know, loves sleep. They LOVE to go to sleep and dream and be refreshed. I don’t. I hate sleep. I f-ing hate sleeping. I wonder why, and I still have barely figured it out. I hate not being able to move. To sleep, you don’t move and get up and walk around. You’re still. I think it’s the laying there…waiting for sleep to find me. It creeps me out. Even now, thinking about it, I’m dreading looking at the clock because each time I do, an hour has gone by. That’s one more hour to nightfall. The only good thing about nighttime approaching is that I get tired. Like…really tired. And then I’m all for bed. I don’t mind. And then if I come up with a good story, I get to lay down in my bed with the calming fan on, and think about it. Plan it out. And then BOOM. Morning. And thus the day starts again. More pacing waiting for night time. This is going to get old.

A Given

I was given a topic. Bullying.

Oh God how I hate that word. Let alone the action that comes with it. Kids bully. They are ruthless and souless. How can a parent stand by and watch their kids do this to others that are different? And it’s not only kids that are assholes; adults. Adults can be the most f*cked up people, which is where their kids get it. Don’t think that once you’re out of high school people are going to magically change and apologize and be your best friend. Odds are, they will never see their mistakes and bad decisions, so they will forever be ignorant and stubborn. I see adults bullying other adults AND kids. The picking apart and the names. They slander everything that other person has. And there is one factor that does this.

Jealousy. How I loathe jealousy. I know now why people are so mean. The main cause is: they are jealous. They can’t stand another person becasue of the things they have or the way they look. I felt anger that came from jealousy first hand. There is this girl I know. She got so much attention from guys that I liked…and I never understood why. So I went to her Facebook page and looked at her photos. Then I did something that was not me. I started tearing her apart. Saying that she wasn’t pretty, that she was a slut and she didn’t deserve what she had. 

Then I stopped. I stopped mid sentence. I sat there for a good minute. What the f*ck was I doing? I was picking on this girl because I was jealous? Why would I do that? She was a nice girl! Simple and generous. She is pretty and came off as a good friend. I shook my head and kicked myself. I now know why people pick on each other. I’ve been there. I’ve been the bullied and for once, the bully. That was done on the computer, which now leads me to another point.

Cyberbullying. Same basic principle, but this time it’s over the computer, where you are safe from hits to the stomach, but not to the mind. People cuss at each other and exchange names and accusations. It gets bad. I’ve seen my fair share and have been IN them. I started ONE because I was angry. And I regret it. All the others were made to me. The words…they hurt. They made no sense, and on the other end is usually a hypocrite that has no idea where his information is coming from. It’s sad when people do that, because then people will call each other pansies and threaten them. But seriously, how often do physical fights come off of that? Not a lot.

Back to reality. 

I hate, hate, HATE when people call bullies the “popular” crowd. No. They are almost NEVER popular. I classify a popular person as someone who is nice and liked by everyone. They aren’t mean and they don’t hate on people. They are friends with everyone. Not those superficial jerks. The people that are classified as “popular” are usually girls and guys that have a tight group, that is large. They seem to be everywhere and seem to focus in on one person. Usually, it’s YOU. Don’t be mistaken by this cheery group. Odds are, none of them like each other. In fact, they will talk about each other behind their backs, and have the most innocent faces when they turn around. I have a perfect example. When I was in 8th grade, there were two girls in the bathroom along with me. (Names changed) *Amy and *Jane were talking about one of their “best friend’s”, *Carla. The words that came out of their mouths were foul. “Loser”, “bitch”, “liar”….all words I knew too well. I finished my business and left. Then behind me followed Amy. I witnessed her walking straight up to Carla and reporting what Jane had just said about her, while leaving Amy’s name out of it. She wasn’t a true friend. None of them were. They never will be.

Please, watch yourselves out there. This is just me, but I do not trust anyone. Not even my closest friends. I am very skeptical. That’s what bullying does to you. It gives you trust issues. It makes you crazy and self conscious of everything. Surround yourself with friends that are true. Try to relate with friends that went through the same thing. Be a true friend and you will get a true friend in return.

Please, please stop this mindless bullying. It doesn’t matter if someone is different, or has different hair, is skinnier, is wealthier, has a different odor, a different face, a different taste in friends…they are a human being. They have emotions and ambitions. They have hope. And you are destroying that. You are destorying what this person is. You have absolutely no idea what you are doing. You never will.

And before you turn on a friend for no apparent reason, make sure you look back on the things they did for you. Did they stick up for you? Did they stay behind you when no one else did? Did they take the blame for anything you did? Think. Think about friendships and what they are offering. Not good enough? Do they not meet your expectations? Don’t set too high of standards. No one will reach them, and you will forever be alone on that tall pedistal.

I will take my leave now before my keyboard lights on fire. 

End bullying. Now.