Fox and the Hound

I remember this movie, and this part made me cry. I’ve been crying a lot lately. And this helped me get it out.

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Question

I want to hear from the few people that read this. What’s better, prescribed medication or marijuana? I want  to know what you guys think about it.

Selfish?

“What’s in it for me?”

I was having a conversation with a friend a few days ago, and this question came up. Boy were they furious. Well, I wouldn’t say furious, more so they had a strong opinion. People do things for the good of others, correct? Not all the time. I may not know where I’m going with this, and I may go in a circle, but I’d like to get my thoughts out. In my book, Bloodstone (Moonstone’s sequel), Alexzander witnesses something which he should not have. Then he and Lunette have a conversation about doing things for the benefit of others. Alex says that behind every kind act is a selfish motive. Now, with me, that is not true. At the end of Junior year it was my friend’s birthday. She was happy to finally be 17, and she asked me to wear a dress, just for her. I gave in, and at the same time a thought crossed my mind. So, in the early morning hours, I went to our local Raley’s and bought her a chocolate cake with her name on the front. She was overjoyed and I was happy to see her so thrilled. So if there was a selfish motive there, then I think I figured out what it was. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her birthday to be special, and I have a feeling that she won’t forget that day for a long time. I’m a people pleaser. I want to make others happy. But I have been told that sometimes, the people I want to please, want me to be happy. Me? Haley? Do I deserve to be happy? What did I do to deserve something so simple as happiness. Maybe I want people to be happy because inside me where evil lies, it can be controlled with good deeds. That’s why I am afraid to do anything out of the ordinary. What if something sparks the evil and I lose control? What if I….I’ll have to finish this in another blog.

Back to Selfishness. Have any of you done something to help someone else without another motive? Have you done something to gain something? What if something benefits two people, but not yourself? What if Emma loved Jake, but Jake was in love with Emma’s friend Jane? And Emma got Jake and Jane together, because she wanted them to be happy? Is Emma happy now? What else does she gain other than being happy, while her heart is secretly breaking?

I need thoughts from you guys.

[And if you’re reading this (you know who you are) I’m not mad and I don’t want you to be mad. Let’s talk about it.]

“Ignorance is bliss, isn…

“Ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?”

Stop

I want to stop blogging because no one reads it anyway. Most everyone says that blogs are “just for you”, but I prefer that my words are shared to the world. I want people to know my thoughts, and know me more than some immature girl. No one understands, and I try to make them.

Self-Publishing

  1.                        9 SIGNS SELF-PUBLISHING IS OUT OF CONTROL

    THE ESTIMATED 700,000 SELF-PUBLISHING AUTHORS AROUND THE WORLD

    In a world of 6.8 billion people, 700,000 trying to make it big by self-publishing may not seem very significant. But compare it to the number of books traditionally published in America each year: 80,000. Of those, one author says, “most of them [are] not needed, not wanted, not in any way remotely necessary.” Assuming the U.S. makes up just one-tenth of the market (almost certainly a low estimate), AND assuming each author has the decency to self-publish only one title, that means self-publishers stand to nearly double the number of books published in the world every year.

  2. THE 20,000 TITLES LULU ADDS EACH MONTH

    Lulu is a self-publishing company that has been in business since 2002 and is generally regarded as the leader in the field. One need look no further for proof that self-publishing is getting out of hand than the Lulu web site that reveals the company publishes 20,000 titles for unpublished authors every single month. The site shows no signs of slowing, as 12,000 new “creators” sign up every week, and the number of titles is growing about 10% each month. But as the founder of the company says, the average run is “less than two.”

  3. THE MANY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING WHETHER SELF-PUBLISHING IS A BUBBLE ON THE VERGE OF POPPING

    Basically, an economic bubble is created when a good is bought and sold at a much higher price than it is really worth. For example, the dot-com bubble burst when traders realized Internet companies had no way to justify the hundreds of millions of dollars at which their worth was being valued.Pundits are now looking hard at the massive popularity of self-publishing and asking: How long until self-publishers realize tens of thousands of them have grossly overvalued their products and the market crashes?

  4. THE HUGE INFLUX OF COMPANIES TO THE INDUSTRY

    The dilemma of finding a publisher is no more; say hello to the dilemma of choosing which publisher is right for you. FromAuthor Solutions to Author House, from Booktango toBookSurge, there is a plenitude of publishers from which to choose to help you produce your book. But there’s also an entire sub-industry that has sprung into being from the self-publishing movement: the “how to self-publish” manual industry. Like any “get-rich-quick“-style book, these books will always sell better than the vast majority of the books they encourage people to self-publish.

  5. THE GIANT NUMBER OF EBOOKS AVAILABLE FOR FREE

    Millions of titles are available for free download in various formats. The average price of a self-published Kindle ebook for titles in the Top 100 on Amazon was $1.40, and this price is trending downward. Although many of the free titles hosted by companies like Amazon are books in the public domain, a huge mass of them are self-published titles that first-time authors are giving away for free in the hopes of receiving exposure. This means that deserving works are buried in the pile, and there is just too much for customers to sort through.

  1. THE RESPECTED VOICES ADVISING EVERYONE TO SELF-PUBLISH

    As if self-publishers needed any more encouragement, many visible commentators are using their platforms to breathlessly urge everyone who considers themselves a writer (which is basically everyone) to self-publish. On Dec. 13, 2011, USA Todayfeatured a story about self-publishing success story Michael Prescott, who is “threatening to change the face of publishing” with his enormous success. “It’s a gold rush out there,” Prescott proclaims in the article. Over at Techcrunch.com six weeks later, traditionally-published and self-published author, blogger, and investment guru James Altucher was advising every entrepreneur to self-publish a book, basically anointing books the new business cards in the process.

  2. THE 4.2 BILLION WORDS PUBLISHED BY SMASHWORDS

    As one of the first comers to the new self-publisher industry, Smashwords alone has published more than 80,000 books since being created in 2008. It took one company less than four years to match the annual total of traditionally-published books in the U.S. To date, authors have smashed a whopping 4,242,989,557 words into their self-published books.

  3. THE NUMBER OF COPIES OF SELF-PUBLISHED BOOKS THAT ARE SELLING

    On average, authors who self-publish sell 100-150 copies of their book. Considering the average Facebook user has 130 friends, this is right in the wheelhouse for explaining who is buying most self-published books: friends and family of the author. Of course, as this is an average, there are a handful of breakout self-publishing authors who are keeping the number elevated and making up for the thousands of writers who sell 50 or 25 copies, or worse.

  4. THE EIGHT OUT OF 10 PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE A BOOK IN THEM

    If there’s any doubt self-publishing is already out of control, millions of books could potentially be in the pipeline for self-publishing in the near future. The New York Times has reported that 81% of Americans think they have the makings of a book in their brains, and that they should publish that book. An estimated 25 million novels and how-to books have already been written by Internet users in the U.S. but have yet to be published. If just 1% of those authors self-publish, the country’s annual book publishing by traditional means would be instantly tripled.

 

 

***I was given the idea (from a few people) that self-publishing is a good way to go. Well let’s consider what I have read on this page. This damaged my hope of being a writer. Am I good enough? Will I make it anywhere past this poor provincial town? (Why, yes. That WAS a Disney reference) Each sign that I get, when I stumble upon sites like these, my ego is shot lower and lower. Maybe my future is stuck working at a diner; if I could even get a job there. And there goes the good mood. I’ll turn to music, which as we recall, is not my life. What is my life? I have friends, a family, an education…but what’s next? Is anything to be expected? The response I will get, of course, are encouraging comments that I do appreciate, but are  not going to make my mood better. At least for tonight. *****

What Now?

Humans love. We love Love, and we hate Love. I have a very common relationship with Love. I love AND hate Love. Most people love Love when Love is in their favour. She isn’t always there. When I’m with my family…I fight and argue…things get intense. But then there are the moments.

ImageWhere we break down because no one sees inside. We hide in our rooms, not talking. And when we do we are questioned. Then we go back to not talking. Then we cry inside.

Where we break down in silence because we love our family too much to let anything out.

Where we break down because we have to take care of everything and no one turns around and asks if you are okay, where we have to take care of the people we love, and have trouble finding our own happiness.

Where we break down because we feel unloved, like no one wants us. Where being alone means dying inside. Where every bit of us is crumbling, shrinking, until it is no longer there.

Where we break down because our family doesn’t speak. We are drifting apart. And once we’re gone…we are gone.

Take time for your loved ones. That doesn’t just mean family. Look to your friends, the ones who have been there for you through every step, who have never turned around and threw it back in your face. I appreciate those who do, though I don’t always say it. 

Go to someone right now and tell them how much they mean. How long until they’re gone?

I love my family. 

Chase; Dad; Zach; Mom. You mean the world to me. In the morning I’m going to shake my head and wonder why I posted this…but I hope I don’t delete it.