What I Cannot Say

I am a creative person. I like to find the beauty in things and people, and work with them until I find something more precious. But that is not always the case. If I am proposed with a challenge, I will consider it very carefully before accepting. Because, why would I want to put any of myself in danger? Of course I mean physically, but mentally plays a large role as well. I will dip into mentally later, but what I am focusing on now are words that I dare not say. These words have left a scar on my mind. I have trapped myself into a corner. I think if I say this one particular word, it will happen to me. I cannot hear the word or read it. I think it will happen. I can’t even think about it, I am that afraid. I have not said it aloud in 2 years. My mind says: It WILL happen, no matter what you do. My question is, do other people have this fear? Do they cringe when they hear a word that sends chills up their spines? I hope I am not the only one.​

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